devon spec

currently addicted to...

2012-02-09T10:41:00.001-05:00

wrap watches. this one is mine. all mine.

my little typographer

2012-01-30T16:04:00.001-05:00

i don't think i knew how to write my name until the 1st grade. she's 3. in fact i KNOW i didn't know how to write my name until the first grade because i was traumatized.

my 1st grade teacher had our names written on a cute piece of paper that went across the top of our desks so we could look at it and cheat when we needed to write our names on our tests, etc. and when we had learned how, and didn't need that cheat sheet anymore, we took it up to her, so she could throw it away and we got a prize. (necco wafers) a BIG pack too. not the little ones.

well, imagine my mortification of realizing that it was down to me and one other student who still hadn't mastered the skill. and SHE was GETTING UP to go to claim her prize. i instinctively grabbed mine off my desk, and took it up and proudly accepted a present i didn't deserve. i remember panicking and thinking, "what will i do when i have to write my name?"

so... what DID i do when test time came? i drew a girl with pigtails of course.

here's a story...

2012-01-30T15:59:00.001-05:00

about my awesome co-workers....

i made this

2012-01-30T15:58:00.001-05:00

yes i did. with twine and hex nuts. via honestly wtf and it is SO COOL.
highly recco.

5.5 months old

2012-01-30T15:57:00.001-05:00

is he.

he laughs now.

he has 2 bottom teeth.

he has thoughtful looks, he has "i made a stinky" looks.

he holds his feet with his hands while on his back and makes raspberries.

he won't cry if the hairdryer is on.

he wants to eat "real" food so badly. but settles for his baby food.

he doesn't want to sleep in his co-sleeper. he wants me. 24/7. so we've become a co-sleeping family to save the sanity.

he has had 1 ear infection.

he has peed in my mouth while i was singing to him.

he takes his pointy little tongue and darts it out and over the the side.

i think he's the bomb.

i was kinda shocked

2012-01-20T16:57:00.001-05:00

when i realized that i couldn't see up close. then i was even MORE shocked to learn that people should go to the eye doctor like they go to the dentist.
i haven't been to an eye doctor in probably almost 25 years. i'm super farsighted. and i got these cool glasses. i'm not sure how i feel about this but if
it lightens my eye load at the end of the day, it's sooo worth looking dorky.

yes PLEASE.

2011-12-14T09:08:00.001-05:00

red envelope has a *new?* line of vintage inspired jewelery. i am INSPIRED. wow.

aaaaand

2011-11-30T14:27:00.001-05:00

this is why i love etsy.

if i had 500 dollars and knew kevin costner, there would be some serious role playing going on in baden, pa.

back into the swing of things

2011-11-16T13:29:00.001-05:00

i blogged nada my whole 3 months off. i cannot believe it! partially due to the fact i was a mess and busy as hell, partially due to the fact our computer died.
i'm back at work, the kids go back to daycare this thursday. yesterday at work was interesting. trying to get back into it was a little hairy. after about 5 hours, my fingers started to magically remember key commands and my brain started to wake up and remember where everything was and how we do things here. i cried a lot monday, my emotions were all over the place but now i'm feeling more in control. i've come to realize... i'm a control freak. i never EVER used to be this way. i have to control every detail of my life and i leave nothing to change, or up to anybody else. this in a lot of ways is good but in lots of ways, NOT so good. like how craig is used to me doing everything for him, and when i ask him to do something he looks at me like i'm crazy. oh he'll DO it, he's just not used to me asking for help. i know i cannot do it all though and i think that fact along with the fact that now that we are a 4-some will calm me down some. gonna have to let go and just let life flow. even with a dirty floor.

on another note, guess what!? we are going on the gateway clipper for craig's xmas party! i got this little anne klein number and it fits so comfy and makes me feel really pretty. date night, here we come!

here he is...

2011-09-09T12:16:00.003-04:00

this post is fashionably late, just like his mother usually is.

colton sawyer spec is here. and he's awesome.

in the wee early morning hours on august 14th, i woke up to some mild-ish (what i thought* to be contractions) and figured they were braxton hicks, like i had had before. so i tried to go back to sleep. no dice. i was hurting. i got up, puffed around, walked around... he was wriggling around inside me and i felt huge. and it was one of those things... not sure to wake craig, get him all excited or not! so i sat down at our dining room table and googled for a bit. the more i looked, the more i was convinced. yep. i'm in labor. the early stages. i timed them a bit. 7 min apart. for 1 hour. whoa. this is totally it. i got craig up around 5:30. he started timing them in our bed while i grabbed onto my pillow every time i'd contract and say, "ouch, ow.. OW! damnit!!" around an hour later, they got to be abt 5 min apart, at 30 sec to a minute long. i knew. i just knew and i said, "ok, i'm taking a shower, call your parents." i thought i'd have some time to mess around and i'd read that some women "take a relaxing bath, or make food for the upcoming week to freeze." are you KIDDING ME? it was going fast and furious. i wasn't going to be making lasagna anytime soon...

as i tried to dry my hair, i thought about my impending doom. i was going for no epidural. and i could barely dry my hair. it hurt. bad. craig was getting lottie ready in her room, and somehow, part of me knew that this was not going well. i stopped drying to peek in. she had an xmas "peace on earth" shirt on in the middle of august and some pink shorts. *sigh* i was annoyed, i'm not going to lie, but then i realized, ok, he's just as freaked out as i am. our tripod is going to be a quadpod soon. whoa. so i laughed (ish) and just redressed her with layers.

his parents came and were sitting at our dining room table, and even though i was in MASSIVE pain, i went in and was like, "hi! how are YOU guys!?" very surreal. they were more like, "um, ok... how are YOU?" i was going to shat out a baby soon. i was not ok.

they took charlotte and her bag (that we packed that morning) ugh. it pays to preplan people. i didn't even have my bag done. idiotic. i think i was in denial. we started to drive off to the sewickley hospital. with all the taxes that people in sewickley pay, you'd think their roads would be a little more less... well, pot-holey. i felt every BUMP, THUMP and THUD in those cobblestone roads and then some on beaver street. good lord. sweet baby jesus. i was reeling.

we finally got to the hospital and they took our names down and info and i waited with craig in the ER waiting room for a nurse to come get me with a wheelchair. with every contraction i was like a wet cat clawing my way up a curtain. except it was me, clawing my way up craig's arm. dawn finally came and got me, and took me upstairs. i got undressed and into the bed. i still had unrealistic expectations of delivery. "i don't want an epidural... just maybe.. well, something to take the edge off?" she wasn't really interested in what i had to say, and just said, "sure honey... we could do ... " and all i heard from that point on was the charlie brown teacher. *whah whah whah...* i said, "i can get up and walk around right? through the contractions?" she said, "whatever you feel like doing!" zero guidance. i felt like doing NONE of it. i laid there and banged my head of the side of the bed. through. every. contraction.

finally i gave in and requested the meds. the man with large needle was there in a few minutes and it was the best 600 bucks i ever spent. i made it through 5.5 hours of labor and that was enough for me.

before i knew it i was in lala land. the land of no contractions. it was an amazing lush, green forest and i was the fairy princess. craigs father had come to the hospital. was it ok if he came into our room? SURE!! let's gab! i had tons of things to say. i was feeling NO pain. i felt awesome. before i knew it, it was time to push. what? the nurse had checked me and i was fully dialated?? i wasn't ready! i was the fairy princess that felt no pain!! ugh. plus i was tired. ok, craig's dad had to leave. it was time to push. blah.

they would instruct me to bear down. i did. i pooped. twice to be exact. i asked craig, "did i poop?" he said, "a little" and i'd push less hard. how insane. i'm pooping all over the table. ugh. then i just though, let's get it over with. they told me the cord was wrapped around his neck and with the next push, i had to push HARD, then when they said, "stop" i had to stop or i'd strangle him. and in the next breath told me it was "completely normal." so i pushed like hell and stopped when they said stop. and i pooped and pushed and pretty much in that push, lil' c. was here. and he was gray. and not breathing. and the nurse on my left said, "he's not breathing." and dawn said, "YES he is, he's fine" and they smacked, rubbed and did god knows what to him until i heard him scream. that few seconds of gray silence was the scariest shit EVER. i would've rather faced an armed home invader than think my baby was dead. and he was getting pink. and he was on my belly. IN LOVE.

i'll spare you the part about the doctor coming in, the episiotomy, the blood squirting onto her shirt....he was whisked away to be measured and because the whole thing happened so quick, all we have are cell phone pics. i didn't even have my bag! the room emptied. he was back with me. he was ready to nurse. it was like riding a bicycle. i lifted my shirt and he latched like nobody's business. smart guy. special baby. my special little guy. we are bonded for life now. as i fed him i thought, "this is the craziest thing ever... and the best and he's mine. ours forever and will be bigger and me and possibly his father someday."

the rest was history. our history. the four of us.

mixed emotions

2011-08-08T10:29:00.001-04:00

i'm pretty sure i want out of this current body i have... but i know i'll miss it when it's gone.
having a boy and a girl kinda takes the pressure off of the "what if" of having a third one. as in, if this was another girl, there'd be a "what if" we tried for a third and "what if" if was a boy. let's face it, kids are expensive!

i'm puffy, sweaty, dehydrated and let's face it... "things" are getting awkward. the good kinda things and bad kinda things. bad kinda things being laundry, carrying charlotte, bathing her, reading to her at night, cleaning etc. good kinda things being nunya.

part of me is sad, here at 39 weeks because i feel as though there aren't many more life milestones to look forward to. i know that's technically not true though. someday i want a new house. my kids might play sports, or be musically inclined and i'll get to see them develop a talent, someday i want to have grandchildren...

so, i guess that it is with a heavy heart that i let this chapter go soon, and start a new one. one where there's just the four of us instead of the three of us.

and i'm pretty excited about that.

wow

2011-07-27T10:07:00.001-04:00

so i'm almost there. i feel pretty lucky and am starting to get nervous/scared/anxious... i am peeing a LOT and there's some pain down there. i wonder if i'll go the full 40 weeks like i did with charlotte? i have a doc appt today so maybe he'll check my cervix and we can see what's going on.

You are considered full-term now and your baby's final touches are being made. The crown-to-rump length of your baby is now 14 inches and the total length is around 21 inches. Your baby weighs approximately 6.5 pounds. Your uterus may be measuring about the same as it has been and is probably about 6.5 inches from the top of your bellybutton.

This week your baby should engage into your pelvis. If this is not your first pregnancy, it may happen later. When your baby engages, his head drops down into your pelvis and you might feel a slight sensation called `lightening` as the pressure on your ribs eases. As your baby drops into the final position for delivery, you may experience a buzzing feeling and shooting pains in your groin and leg. Normally, you will be able to breathe and eat easier. However, your uterus pushes down harder on your bladder and you will have an increased urge to urinate more frequently. Even if your baby engages now, you still possibly feel his feet in your breastbone around week 40.

Your baby is now fully mature and ready to be born. However, your baby is still growing and developing every day. Fat is still being laid down at a rate of a half ounce a day. If this is your first pregnancy, you can expect to deliver closer to 40 weeks or shortly thereafter. If this is not your first baby, you might go earlier than 40 weeks! Make sure that your bags are packed for the hospital and remember to preregister for admission.

Your doctor may begin doing weekly pelvic exams to evaluate your cervical changes and progression. Your healthcare provider will make sure that you are not leaking amniotic fluid and will also examine your cervix to check for effacement and dilation. Before labor, your cervix is thick and 0% effaced. During labor your cervix thins out and right before delivery it will become very soft and 100% effaced.

Research shows your baby can be affected by stress hormones. Make time to relax, to have fun, and to rest.

pinterest obsessed

2011-07-20T14:37:00.001-04:00

so i'm finally PINNING!

i'm pretty excited. there's way too much stuff on the net that i needed to file and i started "folders" on my computer but that is just insanity.

initially the site scared me but it's SO AWESOME. i almost even have craig using it... we'll see. except instead of art, home inspiration and books, it'll be trucks, chainsaws, etc. would you expect any less?

you are 3 and i'm knocked up...

2011-07-15T16:50:00.001-04:00

basically that sums it up.

you've moved to the pre-school room. you LOVE it. you're doing faaabulous there except for that 1 kid you apparently kicked in the eye yesterday but i feel that was an emotional fluke. we all have days like that. you're learning colors and making new friends (and phrases like, "you got it dude!") and SEVERAL others i can't even think of right now, but each time you bust one out i have to laugh.

it's great, i can bribe you now that you're 3. i got the BEST pictures from a groupon - i promised you that if you smiled we'd go to build a bear. you have NO idea what build a bear is but you were SO excited. double win.

you are SO funny. the other night, daddy went in your room and covered you up like he always does before he leaves and you were a little bit awake. he said, "go back to sleep, i love you!" and you said, "can i have a pahsicle?" (popsicle) and he said, "not now, maybe when you wake up, i love you!" and you said, "i always love.... pahsicles...." and don't you know the FIRST thing you asked me for in the morning at 7am was a purple pahsicle.

you hate ranch dressing and ketchup.

you love spongebob and bubble guppies... and bubbles in general!

you finally love your quad, but need a bigger one! you LOVE riding on daddy's big quad in between me, him with colton pressing into your little back.

you LOVE the ocean. (you swear you do but i think you don't remember how badly the waves scared you) on the wall at preschool, you colored a beach ball because you're all learning about the beach, and it says "charlotte loves collecting shells at the beach." do you know how proud i felt that i saved for over a year to take us on a trip to myrtle beach - all cash and saved for over TWO years to get us a decent vehicle to get us there? you inspire me to do great things and make your time on earth fun and important.

well i'm a little off since your 3rd birthday was in april, but i felt compelled to tell you (almost 4 months late) how much i love you and how amazing i think you are. i love when i hear your excited little voice say "mommy mommy!!!" when i pick you up and i feel the same way. i'm so glad you're mine.

xoxo,
mommy

it was fate...

2011-07-14T09:10:00.001-04:00

that i found three birds
she's a natural birth advocate. and while she's having her baby at home with zero drugs, i'm going to try to have my baby in a hospital with zero drugs...

we're pretty much on the same path (4 weeks to go) and i really feel as though i need to trust my body. induction was ridiculous. it was annoying. i was scared, misinformed and young(er) than i am now. if its one thing i've learned after 33 years on the earth, it's "if it doesn't feel right, it's not." and it's funny because i usually am a very go with the flow type person but i just feel strongly about this. i know that i will be wishing that the baby comes out right on his due date, but i'm pretty sure he won't. they never do. but i have to trust the person growing inside me to know when the "time is right."

here's an excerpt from her blog, which i feel that i could've written myself i feel SO similarly to her:

When did we subscribe to this thinking that our babies and our bodies don't know how to birth without synthetic drugs? This topic angers me so much mostly because I was forced by my doctor to induce labor with Conrad and knowing what I know now about inducting, I credit my induction to my emergency cesarean.

Instead of getting anxious about going over my due date, or wondering when the baby will come, I've been trying to say affirming statements about birth to myself.
-God has equipped me to birth this baby. My baby will be the perfect size to fit.
-The baby will come when it is ready to come.
-My body will nurture this baby until it is ready to arrive.
-There is no reason to stress over when it will come.

"Inducing labor means to force it to begin. It is sometimes necessary when the continued pregnancy itself is a threat to the mother's life, as in the case of a diabetic mother whose pregnancy is too stressful, aggravating the diabetes into a life threatening situation. This would be a medical reason and the proper use of induction. Such cases are rare. (There has been a dramatic rise in the labor induction rate in the last 15 years. According to the National Center for Health Statistics, the rate of inductions was 9.5% in 1990. In 2003, the rate more than doubled to reach 20.6%. Imagine where it is now! The world health organization suggests a rate no higher than 10% induction, world wide.)

The majority of inductions are done today for what can only be termed "frivolous" or very questionable reasons. Induction for convenience or because the woman has gone past her "due date" with no other medical reason for induction is highly questionable and oftentimes dangerous.

Forcing labor to Begin is usually a rough business for the woman. An artificial hormone, contracting the uterus, is dripped into her arm intravenously.

The effect it can have on the uterine muscles is alarming. Your own natural hormone contracts the long muscles of the uterus progressively from the top downward toward the cervix in a wave like action. The contraction builds slowly to a peak of it's strength.

Induction can cause violent contractions which make the muscles contract all over at once. It feels like a big crunch. It feels stronger and it cuts the uterus off from circulation longer than nature intended. That blood supply to the uterus is also the baby's oxygen supply.

(No wonder babies often times don't react well to induction and need to be delivered another way....)

A forced labor is an extremely hard labor. It is difficult for the two of you to work with it. The woman in a forced labor often starts with a self doubt emotional signpost and stays that way for the entire labor (this was my experience with Conrad.) She is apt to feel overwhelmed. If both of you are looking forward to an unmediated, enjoyable labor experience, then you should know that an induced labor makes your goal difficult. Most woman feel it is an extremely painful experience.

this might not be ok....

2011-07-06T13:32:00.001-04:00

so craig bought a quad... i told him the doctor told me i'm not allowed on it, 9 months pregnant. think he believed me? i told him she told me, "it will hurt his brain and stunt his growth." don't get me wrong, it's fun to zoom around the farm, but i cannot wait to leave my "other passenger" behind!! it's getting to the point where it's hard to sleep. the baby is strong. even if i'm dead tired, he can kick me awake. i'll feel an elbow or knee roll across my stomach then JAB my rib. it's painful. and i've started having braxton hicks contractions too. and they are getting bad. i thought i was going to fall over in ikea yesterday but just made it to the bathroom to vomit. i think he's invading my stomach with his limbs! not long now... not long now... GET THIS THING OUT OF ME!!!

date night

2011-06-27T10:07:00.001-04:00

i love this idea posted @ the idea room. it's not that we're lame but we're both just so tired and busy. busy with a capital B. i never KNEW i could be THIS busy!! i'm constantly giving baths, brushing teeth, doing laundry, fixing snacks, .....and craig is constantly working, or fixing somebody's
chainsaws or cutting grass... you get the point.

it's hard because at the end of the day we really just want to plop and lay silent and watch a few minutes of tv. then before his head even hits the pillow usually, he's snoring. our trip to myrtle was great, it was an enclosed space, and we got to talk. nothing too deep,
but it was even nice just to share the air for hours on end.

before this new baby comes in 7 weeks, we need to get out to dinner and a movie. i have gift certificates for both things, so it would be a relatively cheap, nice thing for us to do.

here's a list i'm going to bring, (if we ever get out)

WHILE YOU EAT YOUR APPETIZER

1. Name three countries you would like to visit.

2. Which celebrity annoys you the most?

3. How would you spend 10,000,000 dollars? (My husband loves this question.)

4. If you could try out any occupation for a year, what would it be?

5. On a scale of 1 to 10 how cool are you?

OVER THE MAIN COURSE

1. If you could rewind to any point in your past, what would you want to relive?

2. If you could take lessons to become an expert at anything, what would it be?

3. How would you spend a perfect day alone?

4. What would you want us to do together for the next ten years if you knew they were our last?

5. What's the most honest thing you have ever done?

6. How would you like people to describe you at your funeral?

WHILE SHARING DESSERT, or eating your very own

1. Hollywood called, they want to make a movie about your life, who would play you?

2. Name something you love that no one seems to like. (Or name something that everyone seems to love except for you.)

3. What's the one item you own that you know you should get rid of but never will?

4. Name one thing you miss about our dating years? (Then talk about how you can make it a part of your dating again.)

5. Last one, make it good! What's something positive about me that you don't say often enough? (Then decide to say it more.)

Remember, these are not one sided questions. You both need to answer them. The coolest part, this will get the conversation going and then you can take it from there. You will find that the questions might seem funny or silly, but they can lead to other great conversations that you didn't even know would happen. Happy Dating, Love birds.

blogging binge

2011-06-24T10:14:00.001-04:00

i guess i could use pinterest but blogging about 1 certain thing seems better/an easier way to share what i think is interesting!
and this is interesting. look at this space, from here completely transformed by 3 plants. unreal.

you know it's a pirate when ya hear em' say... ARRRRRRR

2011-06-23T10:33:00.001-04:00

i got this awesome necklace yesterday at american greetings. i won't tell you how much, but let's just say... under 101 pennies. crazy right? orig. 39.99.
they were having a great sale and i got several things for gifts, etc. because it was all so beautiful. but this booty is mine. i'll probably feel stupid when i wear it, like the time i painted my finger nails purple... but
it's just so awesome.

a fun, stylish, craft.

2011-06-22T10:12:00.001-04:00

so, charlotte's artwork is adorable, i have some framed even. however, i think we can take this finger painting to a new level....

i really want to buy some old, wornout books and make potato stamps and stamp the pages and frame them with some ikea matted frames. i do believe i'm running out of wall space. i'll have to post pics if i ever get around to this! life is crazy busy. maybe on maternity leave! i should probably save some things for the 3 months (whoo hoooo!!!) that i'll be off with colton and charlotte.

every once in awhile....

2011-06-22T09:43:00.001-04:00

i see some things i need. clearly, i need one of these... hm... which one...

my besties

2011-06-21T16:31:00.001-04:00

it's back to reality after a week of fun in the sun and not so fun driving. i had a blast. i KNOW charlotte had a blast and the fact that craig said he'd do it again next year means he had a good time too. he'd never admit to a blast.

coral obsessed

2011-05-27T15:17:00.001-04:00

i bought some coral nailpolish on my lunchbreak and now i'm obsessed. anything coral. give it to me!
it's such a cheery color and looks great with anything. (especially a tan, which i hope to get at myrtle beach this year)

when planets align...

2011-05-16T10:52:00.001-04:00

about a month or so ago, i made this labor of love for the baby's room... then purely by accident found a handmade matching lightswitch on etsy at this girl's store!!

oh, the things that make me happy...

i love little hidden ebay gems...

2011-05-16T08:55:00.001-04:00

like this awesome necklace for 4.99 shipped. of course with it being so cheap i did worry about quality, but the seller put my mind at ease with this disclaimer:

"

and the item is high quality ,so pls do not worry about this

very faminine and royal for you ,the necklace is very briliant in any meeting of friends or wedding party .you will be unique princess or beautiful young lady or girl

Buy it now .it will go your home"

thank god. i'm very concerned with looking more faminine and royal!

Ten years ago today....

2011-05-05T15:29:00.001-04:00

Ten years ago today,
I saw you standing there
I wasn't sure who you were
I'm not quite sure I cared

I was tending to my wounds
Each still fragile to the core
Still desolate on the inside
Craving forevermore

I fell so hard and deeply
Later that same eve
He truly was not for me
His misuse had no reprieve

Advancing 3 years forward
Something overtook me by alarm
My heart had become pliable
My soul felt free from harm

Through the darkness of the unknown
I followed you in stride
Heart keeping measure with yours
Jubilant as your bride

Through the humble genesis
Our house became a home
Life slowly fell into rhythm
Casting out our unknown

Thriving upon each others strengths
We cultivated love
God sent us down the greatest gift
An infant from above

Now as I sit here feeling tiny kicks
As they come and go away
I think about how far we've come
Since ten years ago today

this is what happens...

2011-05-02T20:27:00.004-04:00

when your birthday, anniversary and mother's day are all w/in a few weeks of each other. and it will never happen again. i was pretty much guaranteed that.

whoo hoo ring upgrade!

the hunt for pink october

2011-04-28T16:17:00.002-04:00

the hunt was on. i've never seen charlotte more intense/competitive. wonder where she gets THAT from?....

i can't lay on my back... i can't lay on my front

2011-04-27T21:51:00.002-04:00

so, side it is. my lower back is killing me. the kicking is getting harder/more intense. this baby is a night owl. i guess this is real. i guess it's coming! *kick* ya-i just felt you! i feel like a moose and i'm only abt 25 weeks.

i've been annoyed lately at how people romanticise kids and pregnancy in general. it's not "gorgeous" or "beautiful." it is annoying and it is hard work. it's uncomfortable and it sucks. i like that the girls at work ask me questions about it because they know i won't lie to them and act like i'm superior for having gone through/going through something that they have yet to go through. i'll tell them that i pee myself sometimes when i laugh. i'm looser. i cannot help it. i don't see it as "battle marks" - i see it as something that kinda ruined my body. i tell them how when you breastfeed, your womb contracts and you gush blood with every suck. don't get me wrong, i like the shock of their faces. but i'm telling them the truth.

now that i'm only a few months away from the madness that was my life 3 years ago, i'm getting a little nervous. in a few weeks we're going to myrtle beach for a family vacation, just the 3 of us before we're "just the 4 of us." i can't wait. i think i need to try to forget life, work, problems, etc. exist so i can just enjoy US. usually i'm running around, working, cleaning up, doing this or that and i feel like, where did those 3 years GO? it's sad but it's life and i know everybody gets those feelings that it just flew by too quickly...

i haven't even bought anything yet for this baby. i got him a going home outfit from wal-mart... but i just can't get into it so far! i do think, however, that i need a woombie donut. this thing looks AWESOME. and since the 2nd nursery is tiny tiny tiny.... no room for furniture. i could tuck it under the crib and open it up on the floor when a diaper change is needed. but 70 bucks? eh. i think i need it. :)

happy east-ah

2011-04-25T15:56:00.002-04:00

the flowers have bloomed, the cookies were made, and the hands were burned.
happy post-easter hangover!

this is my big girl.

2011-04-22T10:16:00.001-04:00

going into preschool at her daycare with her bookbag that weighs as much as she does. i literally cried standing in line while waiting to buy the backpack. she picked it out herself.
she was so excited about it. she loves her class. she loves her markers. she loves EVERYTHING. she's so much happier. i'm so much happier too, so what's with the tears? not used to these tears of joy!!!

what i see

2011-04-12T15:11:00.001-04:00

when i look in the mirror....

week 22! more than half way there. 4 months from charlotte's 3rd birthday (this friday) it will be 4 months exactly till my due date!

i feel like i could've written this....

2011-04-07T11:41:00.000-04:00

this is from scary mommy's blog. i feel such a connection to this post, it's unreal. when you decide to stop getting upset about the "weird" and start looking into who they truly are, that's when you can appreciate what's happening.

I Should Have Realized

Laverne is the blonde half of Kindred Adventures's, Laverne and Shirley. Two kindred best friends embracing life adventures of friendship, motherhood and marriage. We are following life's road, creating our own path, trying not to get lost, or run out of gas. We collect souvenirs and we stop for directions!

The day we brought our second daughter home from the hospital my dad said his good byes. He waved and turned to leave. My oldest daughter stood up in the middle of the room, said, "Look at me!" and started to walk.

I should have realized.

Potty training time came. The first day, I stood in the next room sobbing to my girl friend on the phone. I had put my daughter on the potty for several minutes and nothing happen. I sat her in her chair for lunch minutes later. She looked up at me, looking me straight in the eye from the now peed on kitchen chair and said, "Oopies happen Mommy!" (with the same emphasis of giving someone the finger.)

I should have realized.

We drove to her annual school Halloween parade. She looked adorable in her Minnie Mouse costume, but insisted on wearing the headband ears in front of her ears and on her forehead. It made her look weird.

I should have realized.

I always thought that because your child came from you, your love would come pouring out of you unconditionally, without hesitation or effort. My love did. But, never did I think that I would find my own child difficult to like! I could work with the most difficult and disabled young adults. I could find the smallest strength or likable quality in them. I could develop a plan to enable and empower them to be the best they could be. Even with all that, I had a daughter who I thought was weird. She did weird stuff. She acted weird. She enjoyed dressing weird. She annoyed me and tested every ounce of my being. At three years old this was affecting my ability to like her.

I was sharing my struggles with my sister and she turned to me and said, "You can't say that about her. You can't talk about her like that. She's your daughter!" With a heavy heart I reflected. I was mad at my sister. I knew she was right. It was me, not my daughter. From that day forward I changed the way I looked at her. It was also when I discovered what I should have realized: Things I found odd and weird were not weaknesses. They were strengths. She is uniquely creative and has an expansive imagination. She sees the world in a way I would never dream of. She often knows what others will think of her, but is strong enough to do it her way. She is stubborn with a persistency that gets things done. She is my daughter and we are more alike then I knew. She possesses skills and qualities that make her talented and special.

I should have realized. She's a lot like me!

a dime a dozen

2011-04-01T15:51:00.001-04:00

are these sonogram pics. with charlotte i just couldn't believe it... and i guess in a way, i still cannot believe it. our sonographer was A-friggin' MAZING. i highly reco. women's premiere group in sewickley. this lady took almost an hour with us, explaining what everything was, WHERE it was, how BIG it was. almost every little bone that my body made. with charlotte, the sonogram was a fly by. it was hurried and rushed. i won't say where i got it though. anyway, i switched to give birth closer to home, in a smaller setting at the sewickley hospital.

he was kicking up a storm while she moved the dopler around my belly, and it was more than a little freaky to see the movements on the screen correspond with what i felt in my body. it def. made it more REAL. so real i started some artwork for the nursery and bought some receiving blankets and a matching burp cloth... i will be a mom to a BOY in a few months. BOY OH BOY. this is crazy. one of each. we'd almost have the american dream if we owned a pet. which we never will. a fish, maybe. and that's a BIG maybe.

april 1st....

2011-03-31T12:25:00.002-04:00

i NEVER get anybody on april 1st... but tomorrow i'm getting craig.

he flips whenever i get a ticket of any kind. even if they aren't much. and i've gotten SEVERAL in my lifetime.

i had a lead foot. whatever.

but i'm sure he'll especially love that i got a "$400.00" parking ticket!!! muah ahahhaahahaha. i cannot wait.

fake ticket via here

don't ask me how i knew....

2011-03-29T14:01:00.001-04:00

ok, i know how i knew. i've never been so sick, rundown, throw-uppy, or tired in my WHOLE life. this pregnancy has knocked the wind out of my sails. i'm ok though. i totally called "boy" - and guess what. BOY. i guess the worst part is getting creative and figuring things out holistically instead of running to meds with every little bump in the road. it's not easy being natural!

this is what my life looks like today:

ps- hooray for spring!

i don't know what it is lately...

2011-03-25T12:30:00.001-04:00

but being pregnant makes me SUPER sensitive. i read something, i cry. i see something, i cry. i smell something, i cry. i look at this, i cry. for good reason. :)
but this NO reason stuff is for the birds!

reason #746 why i love the internet

2011-03-23T11:08:00.001-04:00

because i get to meet fabulous, talented people like mindy!
i have been keeping up with her on her blog and she's just so talented. she makes the most awesome wristlets. i love her attention to modern patterns and color combinations.
i'm totally buying one for my sister in law for her birthday along with a handstamped bracelet. i love supporting artists. you didn't hear this from me, but target can suck it. :)

i am doing it

2011-03-22T10:54:00.001-04:00

i finally said "enough" to my icky habit of biting my nails. i would bet that i'll even be healthier and get less colds without my hands in my mouth 24/7.
i wore fake ones for 2 weeks, got a little "start" and then painted them, and here i am almost 2 months into it and i have nails!
i don't even really have the urge to bite them they look so pretty. i wonder why people bite their nails anyway? for me it was kind of a release of stress and pressure. i never took them down to the point where
they hurt, but they just looked awful. now charlotte and i can do our nails together. :)

and to the republic....

2011-03-21T12:36:00.001-04:00

so, early today, i've been battling with some highly illogical issues and things. but without getting too personal, i was kinda reminded about plato's republic.
something about the human soul and it having 3 parts. (of course, my philosophy class was in 1998, so i had to look up a little refresher)

but basically,
Plato argues that the human soul has three parts: an intellective (rational) part, a spirited part (having to do with emotion and will), and an appetitive part (having to do with drives and basic impulses).

i think that most human behavior can be understood, if not completely compartmentalized into these three parts. it's interesting that as complex as we are, this is what drives us and makes us, well.. us. and they each have a function to make us balanced, level and peaceful people. although, how do you know if you're balanced? aye, there's the rub. i don't think you do. and how do you know when you're dealing with people or things that are unbalanced? you don't know that either.

i'm making it my new resolution to let my intellective (rational) part rule the roost. no point in getting all crazy about things that you cannot change. i think that most people in life react from a state of fear. we are MOTIVATED by fear. the only thing i can do at the end of the day when presented with unbalance is ask myself,

what was the external circumstance or pressure I reacted to?

what could I have done differently?

what can I do next time I am faced with a similar situation?

a few things i've been wanting...

2011-03-21T10:16:00.001-04:00

so i bought them.
from this store and this one

the rings were a dollar apiece and the leather wrap was only 10 bucks!

how to let go

2011-03-17T15:20:00.001-04:00

only God knows how i went from being the teenager who left sandwiches and popsicle sticks under her bed to a full blown clutter-phobe.
maybe it's because we live in a sweet little house and there is not a whole lot of room and 1 thing out of place causes the whole feng off.

but then, then you have children. and with children (little girls anyway), comes little barrettes, little shoes, little bracelets, little this and little that. and they are EVERYWHERE.
and they mock me. i stabbed the bottom of my foot this morning with (what else?!) a purple diamond ring that came in a donut from wal-mart.

little little little. how can i let go short of taking prozac and just go with it? my steps are this....

1. throw away what we don't need. seriously. nobody plugs a phone into a wall anymore. why do we have that? (GONE) extra computer keyboard? sayonara sucker.

2. teach charlotte that she needs to clean up her toys. the sooner she gets that there's a place for everything and everything in it's place, the better off in life she'll be. nobody wants that college roommate that thinks the corner of the room up to the ceiling qualifies as a hamper.

3. stop buying clothes. (which i've been SUPER good at lately except with my growing belly, i am looking like a fat guy in a little coat somedays) and charlotte's clothes are out of control. considering she has 3,000,000,000 pieces of tops, bottoms, dresses and her stamp of approval only applies to about 3 dresses and 2 pairs of tights, this is such a waste. we literally fight in the mornings over what she wears and she's not even 3 yet. i calmly remind her she's not gizelle and she uncalmly kicks me in the va-jay-jay.

4. let everybody know that they don't need to buy anything crazy or big for the new baby. if it's a boy i doubt he'll have a gender crisis because i swaddled him in a pink blankie. although if he would happen to turn out feminine, i'm sure it will be my fault.

5. learn how to ask my husband to pick up his dish or whatever is laying in the hallway blocking us from hallway access in a way that tricks him into thinking it was his idea. (still not sure how to do that one)

6. realize that "the house beautiful is play lousy"- dorothy parker.
seriously though, which one looks like more fun!? :) i get you dorothy. i get you girl.

a little taste then

2011-02-28T14:31:00.001-05:00

it got pulled away. it was so beautiful out yesterday. charlotte and i went to shop n save and got some fudge-cicles and then her and daddy had a snowball fight. she gets so irritated when things get on her hands and you should've seen how upset she was when that snowball exploded on her hand.

i cannot wait for the beautiful weather to get on it's way. of course, i'll be big and pregnant but i don't even care. i'm READY.

i cant imagine

2011-02-21T13:29:00.001-05:00

a world without chocolate

a day without my daughter's voice

what it would be like to feel hungry all the time

the sadness of not being able to get pregnant

constantly playing victim because i was unsatisfied with myself

being stuck in a life i hated

looking back at my life wondering what i accomplished and not knowing

keeping toxic people in my life because i was afraid to let them go

my husband not wanting to spoon me every night

my husband not being the most solid rock of a guy i ever knew

living in a state where there are only 1 or 2 seasons

living in a country where you can make almost anything possible

my true friends not rushing to tell me when something amazing or awful happens

being as financially unaware as i used to be

not taking responsibility or passing it off on somebody else's shoulders

why people get so angry in public

working all the time because i don't want to be around my family

constantly chasing material things

i feel so lucky

photoshop actions

2011-02-09T15:42:00.001-05:00

i found some great actions on the interwebs to play with - these can get addicting and some are better than others.

my big girl.

2011-02-08T16:17:00.001-05:00

in her new big girl bed. time goes so fast.
i guess we won't have two in cribs now. ;)

ok so

2011-01-28T09:51:00.001-05:00

i LOVE MY NEW CAMERA. xsi, where you been all my life!?
i cannot wait to try out natural light!!!

i'm pretty much insanely excited

2011-01-25T08:47:00.001-05:00

about my "new to me" Canon Digital Rebel XSi 12.2 MP Digital SLR Camera!!!
After much, much thought, say about over a year of serious thought and a previous year of not so serious thought, the fact remained that we needed a good camera. Then after a girl here showed me pictures of her little baby she took, i just couldn't NOT get one. they were beautiful, crisp and virtually no background noise. plus, she said that they are easy for camera novices like me. i cannot wait to figure this baby out!!! look for tons of pics on here in about a month or so!!

i made this!!

2011-01-16T16:20:00.004-05:00

so i look at my design/interior design blogs and sometimes (well a LOT of the times) i get a hankering to make what i see. and if it's w/in a reasonable cost, i like to test my skills. so, here's the birdnest mobile that is now hanging above charlottes bed (and the original pic) -i think mine came out so nice, and charlotte really likes it because she helped with it. :) it looks SO pretty in her room and this pic doesn't even do it justice. now if i could just learn how to sew.

i'd slap this silly

2011-01-13T16:05:00.001-05:00

i need one of these. in lime green. stat.

i'm making one of these.

2010-12-16T13:39:00.001-05:00

it's too great of an idea not to order one. and they are pretty affordable!
BUT, instead of pictures, i am going to take shots of all the AMAZING artwork lottie has made and upload them.
a one of a kind artwork bracelet!!! i can't wait.

wow...

2010-12-16T13:36:00.000-05:00

this makes me wonder why i paid 75 dollars for charlotte's handcrafted bee and tree branch mobile.. she is pulling her HANDCRAFTED IN GERMANY bees RIGHT OFF THE MOBILE. i'm going to have a heart attack. it's time to move it.

look how beautiful this is! i could've totally made this...!

and what a year it's been...

2010-12-04T01:08:00.003-05:00

some more things about you... you are so smart. you're brilliant. the things you come up with....

a: you LOVE sean kingston's "letting go" song - and when it comes on the radio, you're immersed... you think he's saying "ducky ducky duck duck!" and you want the "DUCKY song!"

b: you love everything you see on tv. including this stupid stuff and you love any doll with long beautiful hair... beacause "i'm pretty and mommy's pretty too!" you love hair. i have long hair right now and you love pulling it and making me crazy! but i love you to death for it. i find myself trying to trick you into playing with my hair like my mom used to do, but you have no idea of the value of a dollar. my mom used to tempt us into playing, braiding, teasing her hair for a buck and i would wonder why!? ...and i'd love to touch it, and braid it and do whatever she wanted, but little did i know it was probably because she was exhausted from a long day of work, and that felt SO good.

c: i love singing in the car. you hate me singing in the car. alTHOUGH sometimes you tolerate my horrible voice. well yesterday morning you told me, "Mama.. KNOCK IT OFF!" -wow, love you too! :) i guess i offend. although on the off day that you are cool with our morning routine, you laugh and giggle your way through our drive to your "school" and we have the BEST time.

d: you say "i love you too" now when going to bed. i have to write this because you are the BEST sleeper EVER. seriously. i never had a problem with you. you were never a "problem" infant and i never understood what people meant when they said their infant kept them up all night by crying... my breast bedside was your comfort then, but now i have no idea what carries you on to be such an amazing sleeper. you blow kisses, it's insane. i love you.

e: you are so smart. i mean it. ms. shannon at daycare gave you some play-doh for doing great on the potty, and i taught you how to flatten it and take your dollar store barrettes and "make a print" into it. you are SO into doing that. i love that you get it. i love that you are so into it that you dont even want me to show you how to do it and you just want to take over. you're a born leader. i really think you are.

f: you want to dress like mommy. if i'm wearing something you deem "prettier" - it's pretty much over. i have to coordinate our outfits.. ie: skirts with dresses, dresses with skirts and the like. you are a fashionista! while this can be annoying at 6:45 am... it's amusing when i think abt i later. :)

charlotte, i love you. i love you so much it hurts. i want you to be a kid that always knows this. i wish i had more time to spend with you, but your smarts and skillz are coming along quite nicely, and i am amazed with what you've accomplished so far.

xoxo

- mama

she's a chip

2010-12-02T08:49:00.001-05:00

off the ol' block me thinks.

Look how far we've come

2010-11-26T01:38:00.003-05:00

well... it's thanksgiving and i haven't written a sappy post in a long time.

i feel like i'm doing an injustice to lottie, so, here we go...

i don't even know where to start, you're so big, so beautiful, SO you. you like bread and love go-gurts. you LOVE LOVE LOVE popcorn. you ask me for "bread" in the morning. oh, back to popcorn, it's crazy what you will do for popcorn, (like put your coat on or shoes.)

you now know that the doctor means pretzels and stickers, and it may also mean a shot, BUT there's a "tish tank" (fishtank.) and you love marine life.

you are cranky in the mornings and when i don't do what you want you want "dada." you are 2.5 years old and are finally removing yourself of the dreaded "binky." when i'd go to daycare and pick you up after work, it used to terrify me if i didn't have your favorite binky in your backpack, but daddy has been breaking you of it at night and right now? you don't need it PERIOD. i never thought i'd see the day.

you are a fashionista who wants to wear a dress if mama is wearing a dress you want to wear one too...you still aren't sure how to "play gently" but you love, and you love hard. you want the best for everybody, you crumble when you know you've hurt somebody.

my diaper bag has left the building and you are taking your hello kitty backpack to daycare. you refer to daycare as "school." and i think you might have a boyfriend or two. it's SERIOUS. victor has been gone for a month and you still ask about him. you're SO smart.

lottie. you frustrate me. you amaze me. you scare me. but i love you. i love you SO much. i may not always show it, i may be very lax in how i parent, but i always want you to be YOU. but know right from wrong.

i love you so much, and am thankful for you everyday of my life.

xo mama

deck the halls.

2010-11-20T00:28:00.002-05:00

this is my ultimate goal... red feather wreathes and a minamalist tree. since this will never happen, i gaze upon thee and feel tranquil.

i've got to hand it to the big "K"

2010-11-19T23:16:00.000-05:00

as in "K-Mart"... their women's boot selection is A-dorable. seriously. if you don't believe me, you should check them out. i have 3 pairs from there and i pretty much wear them everyday. mostly with jeggins and my sweater pants. (ok, sweater pants are the best invention known to man.) i didn't quite catch onto the "i look like i'm dressing for two" fad that kinda has been happening, but lately, just watching E! and whatnot, i see that i've been messing up with showing people that i have a waist. anyway, check out these amazing pairs of boots that i bought, and can i tell you that they feel even better than they look!?

i did it...

2010-11-18T12:31:00.001-05:00

the night we celebrated one of my best friends birthdays on friday, i did the unthinkable. i know i'm SO crazy. right?

but, in all actuality, my life is anything BUT crazy. it's a lot of worrying, butt wiping, bathing, cleaning, WORKING, worrying, reading about saving for my daugher's college, working, did i mention working? did i mention worrying? paying bills, staying on top of birthdays, anniversaries and holidays. and i don't even feel like i do a good job at those!
i think my lack of control in some cases lead me down a path of reminiscing. wishing for my youth, wishing i could right the wrongs, and heal the messes of my past life.
even when i was sitting in the chair and the guy at KYKLOPS on the southside was preparing my tattoo, i kept thinking, "is this dumb, maybe it's too big, is black gross? will i look like a biker chick? ...." mind racing, racing, racing.

you can't fight who you have become. and i've become a responsible adult.

in any case, i got this rad star tattoo. :) i <3 it.

Highlander commericals: UGH. THE WORST.

2010-11-05T23:58:00.004-04:00

these annoy me to the UTMOST extent.

they basically are saying that parents have zero ideas what are going on with technology, finances, and what is important in life in general.

i hate gimickky marketing, and this is an example of something that i really hate and gets my goat.

GIMICCY:this is derived from the free online dictionary:
a. A device employed to cheat, deceive, or trick, especially a mechanism for the secret and dishonest control

b. An innovative stratagem or scheme employed especially to promote a project: an advertising gimmick.

c. A significant feature that is obscured, misrepresented, or not readily evident; a catch.

maybe their marketing strategy isn't to somebody like me, (and i'm sure it isn't) but this really makes me mad to think that some small child would care enough about what his parents drove him around in. because for me? it was all about how much my parents love me and gave me piece of mind.

chrissy marie

2010-11-05T23:12:00.002-04:00

give some love to my friend adrienne, who has pretty much cornered the market on amazing handmade jewelery.

i found her on etsy years (ok, 2.5 years ago) and she made my mother's bracelet which i LOVE.

she is the bomb in every way...

anyway, she started a fun, youthful line of jewelery under her daughters name "chrissy marie" and it is AWESOME.

and i just so happened to do her logo. CHECK IT OUT. then buy something!!!

horses are very close to her daughter's heart, and they also represent youthfullness and being wild and free. i think it's a great parallel.

ok, seriously,

2010-11-05T09:26:00.002-04:00

how cool is this?

i did some freelance for a friend in california. him and his wife opened a consignment shop.
they only carry super expensive brands like, manolo blahnik, tory burch, gucci, etc etc. and i got to do their
identity, etc!

i think they did such an amazing job. i wish i could see it in person!

i'm going to read these books...

2010-10-30T02:22:00.001-04:00

although i don't know when. but i'm going to. maybe i'll make some time at they gym, or i'll take a lunchbreak and read these in the car. either way, they (all 3) WILL get read. unless they are worthless. i've been looking into the best way to try to make some money on charlotte's college savings. so far, (and 40 min of my life almost wasted) i realized that i probably need to put her college and wedding savings into some high yeild APY CD's. i know this is maybe crazy to some because you cannot access they money without penalty withdrawls, but to me, it *almost makes perfect sense. and even more important? i need a CD high interest rate ladder. to compound and combine CD's into my portfolio and earn the maximum i can on the money we save... i'm excited to learn how to become a "thousand - aire" in the process i want to learn some sneaky tips to sell real estate so i'm on a warpath here!

POWER BALANCE: ok i'm not a doctor

2010-10-30T00:49:00.001-04:00

but i ordered a balance bracelet from ebay. there are so many conflicting stories about this miracle bracelet, but i decided that it's a fashion statement as much as it's a health risk. ;) what the balance bracelet is, (for those of you who don't know) is a rubber bracelet that is "designed to work with your body's natural energy field."

some swear it's a magician's trick (remember light as a feather stiff as a board?) and some swear it's applied kinesiology but i can tell you that in our project meeting this morning it kinda made me a believer....

a girl was wearing one, and the test she did was she had me stand with 1 arm out, finger pointed, and twist around as far as i could go... not far. then gave me the power balance bracelet and i totally could twist farther. then i laced my fingers behind my back and she pushed down and i lost my balance... (duh!) then put the bracelet on me and she COULD NOT move me. it was crazy. i know what you're going to say, (which is what i said) "my muscles got stretched out" and "i didn't expect it the first time" but she let me do the first test w/out the poewr bracelet a second time, and still... it had effective results when i wore the bracelet. fact or fiction!?

Halloween Part 1

2010-10-29T09:15:00.000-04:00

we went to gammy and pappy spec's last night for some yummy, homemade chicken soup, pumpkin seeds and all kinds of goodies. then, got the kiddos ready for their big trek around the 1 block! it was COLD and the kids did better than i did. my nose was running and my hands were numb and they seemed like they could go on forever. *funny portion of the night* one house had 2 bowls and nobody behind them and a sign that said, "help yourself, take ONE" and of course, everything was gone. lottie gets up to the bowls and looks in, turns around shocked and is like, "MAMA, i wanted CANDY!?" i think i've only seen the emotion "disappointment" a few times from her, and this was one of them. charlotte was also VERY concerned about baby wyatt, and made sure she knew where he was every second and if he needed help, she was RIGHT there. it was really funny. then after we were done, we regrouped, checked out the loot and had punkin spice latte. i love halloween! if only my husband was on the same page...

she has her daycare halloween parade and party today and i made cute little treat bags with halloween "love charlotte" tags to go with. i hope she has fun! i think the parade is just them walking up and down the drive to her daycare, haha. goood times.

what i'd rather watch...

2010-10-22T01:32:00.001-04:00

so lately charlotte has been watching icarly and spongebob. (rather than wonder pets and little bill - which teach a lesson) and it's painfully evident which one is "good for your child." however, i cannot stop myself from putting on spongebob, OR icarly. simply because they interest me more. ya... icarly has a few "risque" moments, like when carly kissed a boy and sam and freddy kissed because they wanted to "get it over with and squidward calls people (or fish) "idiots".... but, in the grand scheme of things, spongebob is a good egg, and thinks the best of people, and icarly teaches lessons as well. although i'm not sure with her limited vocabulary, lottie knows what the heck is going on. am i being selfish by choosing shows that i like as well as a show that she likes? spongebob is a phenomenon, because it's something my husband and i BOTH agree on. it's pretty funny, and there's not even much adult humor in it... it's just GREAT.

look what i good god

2010-10-15T02:23:00.001-04:00

done to my hair. with my own shears.... it took every ounce of courage to take abt 5", then 4",..... then more, and MORE AND MORE off.

eek. i needed some bounce.

it is with great sadness...

2010-10-15T01:08:00.001-04:00

that i announce to you all (3 or 4 readers) that lottie is growing into a big girl bed. and yet, she cannot master potty training. although, on tuesday, she got an old mcdonald's toy from 2007 because she peed on the potty at daycare. ms. shannon said that she does better when she wears pull ups. awesome. because i'm not sure if costco carries those in bulk. BOO.

but i digress. my mother bought her an amazing bedframe (which she fancied up- yes all us bender womens are crafty) and also bought her matress and boxspring. and tonight.. yes, tonight i bought her comforter and her sham. WITH MUCH intrepidation. you see, i believe that your bedroom is a sanctuary. which means NO disney princesses, or loud screaming characters or colors. even if you are 2, you need a sanctuary. i don't think i'm being a monster, or a visual dominatrix, but i do believe that my house is MY house. and her bedroom will accomodate me as such. i don't even really know what the heck that means.... but i do know that we had no stupid circus animals or winnie the pooh ANYTHING incorporated into her baby bedding, so why would i start now. and it's for MY sanity. i pay the bills. (ok, WE pay the bills) and i'm not staring at baby eyeore when i am reading "love you forever" or "hug time." i'm just NOT.

so...... when i saw one of my FAVORITE bedding sets on the best site ever, i knew it was for us. erm.. HER.

something i forgot about....

2010-10-14T15:36:00.001-04:00

i was trying to keep this under wraps, but now kinda feel like the proverbial cat's out of the bag and it's allll gravy baby.
since this blog is in essence, my online diary, i wanted to post before it got lost in the shuffle of my life. you know, so i can fondly look back at what a crazy person i was in my early 30's.

a treat to myself...

2010-10-13T10:03:00.001-04:00

because i feel like i needed a more "profesh" jacket and i was freezing my arms off in the morning, i opted to find a coat last night at macy's. i came out with this kenneth cole red trench. i LOOOOOVE it. trench's are fun. i feel like i have to button it and belt buckle it though, which is kinda a hassle. do you think they look sloppy when they are just open with the buckle hanging? i need some advice.... ;)

it's been awhile

2010-10-09T18:40:00.001-04:00

since i've posted. a LOT is going on though! we got a new car today, and a new sidewalk. OH, i got promoted to senior designer, and good things are on the horizon. i have to say.... i'm pretty happy today. and now, now i need a nap. sometimes you have one of those months where you wonder how it's going to all fall apart, but i'm thinking, i'll just ride this happiness wave until it ebbs.

can i just say that buying a new car takes a LOOOONG time? we got to the dealer around 1:00 and probably left about 5:00. i cannot believe how good charlotte was. i also cannot believe i got the guy down 60 bucks per payment to be RIGHT where we wanted to be. i hate having a car payment again, but for the piece of mind and room, i feel it's well worth it. i don't usually get excited about cars, but i'm REALLY excited about this one! here's the new swagger wagon:

also, here's our awesome new sidewalk that my hubs and his friend put in. amazing right?!

beautiful with a chance of musty...

2010-09-16T15:14:00.001-04:00

we got my daughter a beautiful old white wood (with wicker overlay) dresser but it smells a lil' musty. unfortunately.
it's definately not moldy, which is good, but that smell, ick. smells like an old lady's house. i feel bad for charlotte so i'm trying to remedy the situation. interestingly enough, her clothing doesn't smell like it, it's more the actual dresser rather than the drawers.
i have several options in my arsenal, i'll have to see what works!

ALS walk at the zoo

2010-09-13T11:09:00.001-04:00

my whole family basically gathered at the zoo this past saturday to walk in memory of our Pap, Henry.
The family has done this every year since he passed away in the early 2000's. ALS is a sad, sad disease,
and something i wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. it's good to feel like you're doing something. somehow, i don't
think pap would've even cared if we raised any money to find the cure, but would've loved to see all his (MILLIONS) of grandkids and great grandkids having a great time at the zoo.

this is a great

2010-09-11T23:35:00.003-04:00

design for a combined toddler and baby room, from the talented christina murphy

she is SICK in a good way. seeing her work makes me think "why didn't i think of that?!" and i obviously don't have the room to do what i would WANT to do... but if i did, it would be on like donkey kong.

some call it lazy

2010-09-11T23:11:00.002-04:00

i call it getting more sleep. some call it dirty, but i call it preserving my
natural oils. plus, it's pretty evil to dry your hair every morning, to put it under all that stress. i must let every girl (yes all 3 of you) that read my blog in on a little secret... oscar blandi dry shampoo. did i even spell that right? not sure. now that my hair is pretty much almost to my waist (i exaggerate) BUT IT'S PRETTY DARN LONG... i can't be bothered to dry it every morning. it makes me crazy. my mom always said that my hair was thin (probably compared to my sister's it is) but it's pretty thick actually. and takes about, 20 minutes to a half hour to dry completely even with my new ionic hair dryer. SO. i discovered this amazing product, oscar blandi dry shampoo! i see that tresseme has a new line out now too (of course RIGHT after i buy the expensive stuff but i digress...) i am a true believer. i love it. it's the BOMB. i used it today and usually if i didn't wash my hair, i would feel like a dirty greaseball. with this stuff, it literally shakes the dirt, sucks up the oil and makes you smell great! i tried the little trial size bottle and i cannot say enough about it. (bought it at sephora) if you're lazy like me, invest.

The ol' country fair

2010-09-09T10:02:00.001-04:00

='s good times and much money spent.

what we ate: french fries, steak sandwiches, elephant ears, fried oreos, water
what we rode: spinning dragons, mini scramblers, baja buggies, BIG slides, & flying kangaroos (creepy)

it was a lot of fun. the art tent was especially hilarious, mostly because it consisted of people taking pictures of their nekkid kids or dressing up their dogs like the easter bunny, but there's not much to do in the country i guess.

some amazing ideas

2010-09-03T23:20:00.004-04:00

i came across this blog
and i have to say it's amazing. i love all these ideas (ok well most of them anyway)...! they look and probably ARE a lot of work, but isn't the final product worth it? i think "yes."

i love the book rack idea. i've been looking for an inexpensive rack to mount to the wall when we move charlotte into her big girl bed (yes, it's ME that is procrastinating, i think she's ready) i don't want my baby girl to grow up. it's crazy. although i have to say with every discovery, with every "tea party", it's a journey. it's a fun journey. *wow, can you say tangent?!* anyway, i love this blog.... :)

babybug

2010-09-01T15:54:00.000-04:00

for the past couple nights i've been reading charlotte a little poem about a butterfly ....
something like,

butterfly on my shoulder,
never does it stay
touches me on the shoulder,
then it flies away.

she likes when i touch her on the shoulder with my "butterfly" (aka hand) and then make it fly away.
she giggles and says, "no mommy!" and squeals... and then i saw THIS dress today, and i know exactly how she feels. holy cow is that awesome. not usually does a frock make me stop and takes my breath away, but this sure did. instead of more cowbell, i need more butterfly.

baller, shot caller...

2010-08-16T14:12:00.001-04:00

i played in a kickball tournie this past saturday because everybody knows that i don't miss a chance to be athletic. (did you catch that sarcasm?) i had the BEST time. i actually pulled out a skill or 2 that i didn't know i have. (i caught one ball and the other one bounced off of me like i was made of rubber, but... 1 outta 2 ain't bad!) there were tons of people there. i had no idea kickball had such a following.
i only made it to 2nd base once, and i overran the base and got tagged, but i was like a freight train, i couldn't be stopped.
don't me and allison look menacing!? there was lots of sun, free food, water, fruit and red bull! what more do you need!?

i am freaking out a little....

2010-08-16T14:01:00.001-04:00

in a good way! a few weeks ago, when my friend mel and her husband rob came to da burgh, we visited a little store in lawrenceville called "wildcard." so, on an off chance they would be interested in having some of my work to sell in their store, i emailed them. and heard nothing. but then guess what? this morning danielle emailed me back, and she's interested in selling my framed paper art!!!! omg. they have pinball machines in their store. it's neato. :) hopefully, i can drop off the art this saturday...!

you just roll with it baby

2010-08-10T09:17:00.001-04:00

THIS is the greatest idea ever.
(did you notice how i figured out how to change text to a link even though i am blogging from gmail?!) go me.

i REALLY want to do a woodgrain accent "rollerwall" in our bathroom!

the reveal...

2010-08-09T13:40:00.001-04:00

i finally did it! i made an etsy shop. i hope it does ok! i am just doing a test drive with these 5 pieces, since they take me awhile to make...
i really love the delicate lines that birds have and the organic lines branches take on... oh, and there's a monster just thrown in for fun. ;)

http://www.etsy.com/shop/designgrrrl?ref=seller_info

Cause and Effect.

2010-08-06T09:44:00.001-04:00

this is why the internet is great

2010-08-04T16:37:00.001-04:00

we have more information, more ways to connect with each other than ever. some people break out into hives when they hear "social media" or they just don't get it or WANT to keep up. more stuff to have to divide your time amongst. i get that. but things like this http://herbadmother.com/tanner/ make me thankful we live in the day and age that we do. we all have way too much, we live like little piggies in excess and we LOVE it. it's all we know,... but if you ever had an illness affect a family member, you would probably realize what is important. and it's not a new fendi purse or more diamonds. it's helping the human condition and reconnecting with things in our lives that really mean something. please read this post about a little boy (whom i have never met -other than by the magic of the blogosphere) his only wish is to die at home. can you imagine looking into this sweet little face and knowing that he was going to die? as a mother of a 2 year old daughter, the mere thought brings me to my knees.please contribute to help his family fund a basement transformation to make it easy and accessible for his single mother to care for him inhouse. tanner does not want to die hooked up to machines in a sterile hospital, but surrounded by his family. THIS little boy knows the meaning of truly being rich.

pump up the jam

2010-08-02T19:36:00.003-04:00

so... today for whatever reason, i got SO sick of my hair. it needed something, a lift maybe? i did some research and figured out which hair pieces are "too shiny" and "look like barbie hair" causing less than satisfactory reviews on amazon. what did we EVER do before product reviews?! these product reviews were especially important, because once you buy a hair piece, you can NEVER GO BACK. booo. something about lice and scabies,... aanyway. do you know what YEAR it was the last time i stepped foot in a salon... probably 2008. maybe 2007... not completely sure but it was a long time ago, this is how i justify this silly purchase. so, i drove to my local ulta, and decided that amidst all the fabulous reviews for this particular "bump it" piece, that it was the one for me. and do you know what brand it is??

jessica.

freakin'.

simpson.

ugh. but it is SO CUTE.

forest gumps mama was right.

2010-07-29T13:34:00.002-04:00

life is like a box of chocolates, or life is like a box of stool samples...
you never know what you're gonna get. today i had the pleasure of getting the phone call from charlotte's daycare telling me she probalby has contracted this evil, highly contageous disease. she had the squirts and apparently just having the squirts is alarm enough to warrant a trip to good ol' quest diagnostics. i haven't been there since i was pregnant and had to drink that delicious, thick, warm flat orange pop! good times! well... buckle up because this time was even MORE awesome(er)

because i had to go get her and she had a clean diaper on, it was either
a: go to quest, get the stool sample kit then go back home, hope she poops, collect the sample go BACK to quest and then drive back home. um, no thank you. i am a multi-tasker and this thought appauled me!

so i b: decided to take charlotte to mcdonald's hoping she ate something greasy that would help the ol' bowels along. well, i took her there, she didn't eat a thing, got stuck in the playland maze about 10 ft off the ground and started screaming. so i leapt off of the chair and contorted my adult body into a space that it should've never fit, coaxing my scared to death toddler down the covered slide. well, she was so scared she crapped herself. mission accomplished, just not in the way i thought it would be!

we got to quest where i was informed i was not allowed to collect her stool sample in their office, so i was all,... "um, well, i'll go 2 doors down in the public restroom." whatevs. they are always just so helpful there! she gave me a little kit that was a test tube thingie with red water in it and a line. the cap had a little mouse spoon that i assumed was for scooping up feces. score! so, since this was squirty poo poo, it was like playing double dare trying to get the watery feces into the tube then get it PAST the red line. it took me a good 10 minutes, all of which my daughter was watching me thinking, "what is this idiot DOING!?"

i put it in the biohazard gladlock zipbaggie, and we trotted back to quest, where i handed it off to the nurse. she acted like i was trying to hand her my placenta, and told me, "NO NO, in that room, and place it on the table to the left." i was like, DUDE whatEVER, and she then said, "no no... i'll take it." ya you will. i don't get what is up with those people's attitudes! they are never nice and no matter who i get, it seems that their puppy was run over just that very morning.

fingers crossed for us peeps that we are disease free and i just fed her too many pickles last night. (is 22 too many? they were sliced...not whole. i'm not a total dummy)

a sweet release

2010-07-28T14:43:00.001-04:00

so those of you who know me know i'm sweating life pretty intensely right now. i mean, 100 degree sun, armpits-a-sweating nervous... but i digress.
my friend patricia of "a little hut" (i hate how i cannot turn words to links when i blog from gmail) described cutting paper as her release, and i'll admit it,
i didn't get it. so this morning, i grabbed some scissors, some blank paper, and i just started cutting shapes. it was like i was possessed.
and guess what? it felt GOOD. i guess it's better than cutting my arms/legs right?! not to be weird, but i can totally see why people with that disorder do what they do, they are just misdirected, they should be making ART. aaanyway, the little pieces all started fitting together, and iit became a paper bird,. i then went to ikea and got a 9.99 shadowbox type frame and made a background for the bird to sit over. for some reason i always remember annie lennox's song "litle bird" and grabbed some of her sweet lyrics to add to the background. VOILA. a new piece of art for lottie's bedroom.

"i look up to the little bird that glides across the sky, he sings the cleareset melody, it makes me want to cry."

go annie.

here we go...pixburgh,... here we go!

2010-07-27T08:56:00.001-04:00

here are some pics from our fun weekend with mel and rob! and yes, i actually took pictures of my food. it was so pretty! i think avacados should be in EVERYTHING. they are awesome, they are lime green in color and they taste FAAAAA-BU-LOUS.

that's my new friend laura (who is a model!- how fun would that be!?) we went to her "reveal" party at the firehouse lounge. she is none other than pittsburgh's own "SECRET AGENT L!" isn't it crazy that in this day and age you can meet so many awesome people on the internet!? and HER friend jennie (and her husband rob) showed us around the city. i say "showed us" because i suck so badly at city stuff. :/ i'm more of a girl that rocks the burbs. there's mel and rob enjoying their primanti bros! (or, pervert manatee's) i was trying to use word association to help rob remember the name of the restaurant, and "pervert manatee" came out somehow.

sunday was very exciting because we were all pirate game virgins... i think craig and i were born again because we know we went to one but it was a LONG time ago. the nachos were stale but if you dipped them in enough cheese it didn't even matter.

a little taste....

2010-07-26T15:21:00.001-04:00

of the burgh. one of my besties mel and her husband rob came to hang out in pittsburgh. mel is one of those friends that you could not see for years and it would be like riding a bicycle with her. she's that good. i never feel uncomfortable or out of place with her OR her husband. she is the captain to my tennille.
that's us going into look at some awesome books, and also pet an awesome cat! -more pics to come, i forgot my memory card reader. booo.
they tried primanti bros, and i think they liked it, even though they couldn't figure out whose sammich was who's... and i'm glad they got to see mt washington! the scariest place in pittsburgh for scardy heights peeps such as myself.

holy linkage batman

2010-07-24T11:19:00.001-04:00

i hooked you guys UP by updating my link list... *beware, you will be enthralled for hours* so, go getcha' self a glass o' lemonade, or whatever cools you off and enjoy! :) (and this is only a 3rd of what i read... i'm sick)

a birds eye view of my life

2010-07-17T14:18:00.000-04:00

had a great day today. got up early (via crying "MAMA MAMA!") and craig was going on a tree job with his friend shannon. so you know, it was EARLY. i unloaded the dishwasher, got charlotte 2 breakfasts, because apparently cereal wasn't the breakfast of champions that day, it was buttered toast. ( i love being a mindreader! it's a forte of mine) then i sat lottie down to watch "max and ruby" while i swept, loaded the dishwasher and scrubbed the floors. that was all good! then kissed my sweet hubs goodbye, and loaded the washing machine, all the while praying lottie didn't fall down the stairs coming after me, but she was enraptured, (as predicted) by her distraction, ERM... "cartoon.") remembered it was shannon's daughters birthday PLUS i needed tampons, buttpaste and a card for my dad and giftcard. not to mention the bazillions of little things i've avoided getting like shampoo... so i loaded her up in the car. we went and got some presents and some other things we didn't really need, but hey, that's what life's abt right? nothing was more than 4 bucks... :) i appreciate a dollar and i know what it means to spend it! we got back and lottie REALLY WANTED TO GO SWIMMING! like she'd die if she didn't get to. she recently discovered she loved jumping on the ring and splashing about, so she's all abt it these days. i unloaded, and got her ready, and out we went... luckily i can see the front yard from my window and i got her some lunch (craig should really start a restaurant because his roasts are AMAZING. i mean like, AMAZING)i had some too and sent him a text that said, "YOUR meat is f*cking HOOD." sigh. i meant' "GOOD" - he knew what i meant.

there is NO excuse

2010-07-14T13:55:00.001-04:00

for wood paneling. (unless you rent, but that's IT.) paint those walls.

the sweetest face

2010-07-09T14:42:00.001-04:00

that cha' ever did see. i MADE this. it didn't take one ounce of my artistic ability either.

i need to learn something new. desperately.

2010-07-08T09:29:00.000-04:00

SEWWWWW i think i'm going to (re) learn how to sew.
i read tons of sewing blogs and i am always jealous of the cute, fun projects these women do! so guess what?
i'm taking a class on july 31st. eat my stitch. i don't want to make anything crazy, some pillows here, pj bottoms there... a pillowcase dress for charlotte... if i could do it in 7th grade, i could do it now! right?!

last week went too fast...

2010-07-06T09:06:00.001-04:00

...and its back to reality time now. we did/saw/went so many places this vacation!

charlotte was happy this morning to go back to daycare but i could see it in her eyes that it was a little confusing since she was used to go, go, GOING every day and doing all kinds of fun things.

we swam, went to the children's museum, idlewild amusement park (which i don't have pictures of because somehow my camera went from the desk at home, to craig's pocket to my purse and nobody knows how it got there so we had no idea where it was that day), deer park, pymatuming, & PLENTY of visiting and picnics. we rode the incline and lazed around the economy pool. we ate like piggies and had mcdonalds for breakfast TWICE. honestly, it's the small things that make a staycation! :) GOD i love me a sausage mcmuffin. they are proof that god loves us and wants us to be happy.

what i like most is that we're making memories, and are taking pictures of her in the same spots each year. and she's little, she loved doing all this. what was most interesting to me was that she wanted to WALK EVERYWHERE. i swear, if somebody had a stroller, and wanted to push me all around a park, i'd LET THEM. and i'd probably be shoveling french fries in my mouth at the same time.

row, row, row your boat,... gently down the ohio river....

2010-06-24T13:32:00.001-04:00

here's a few pics of kyaking! it was overcast, but still hot. and SUPER fun. little did i know, that *technically* the person in the back does
a lot of the work. i think i rocked it. but i was ready to be done and go eat beside pnc park. it's funny that doing things like this actually opens up your eyes to what's in your backyard that one (as in ME!) usually doesn't take advantage of.

my good buddy melissa is actually coming to town next month and it will be like we're sightseeing the city together since i rarely do much in it.
AND it will be my first pirate game! (i think)

look at me trying to be funny like i was falling out of the kyak. in reality it looks like i have a mental condition (super cutie patootie alanna at the "mast"- is that right? "mast?"). AND that one pic is the actual group i was with (with a few stragglers sprinkled in) so we almost took the place over. :)

the suicide tourist

2010-06-23T10:51:00.001-04:00

sorry for the dark turn my blog is (seemingly) taking right now.

i saw a show on PBS's frontline series last night called "the suicide tourist." it was a LOVELY tale
of hope, sadness, loss and love.

i think it especially hits home for me because the man in the documentary had ALS, my grandpap had this and ultimately died from it.
he said he didn't want to be completely paralyzed when he died, because how would anybody know the amount of pain
he was in? he wanted to go out with dignity, and cause the least amount of pain to his family that he could.

he had to travel to switzerland where this assisted journey would take place with the company Dignitas.
it was a beautiful. there were so many incredible points made by craig and his family. he pointed out the hipocrasy
of people telling him by choosing to end his suffering he is essentially "playing God." craig points out that by and large
the medical field as a whole plays God, but nobody is opposed to that. nobody is crying ethical foul when a doctor
saves a premature baby... it's an intriguing documentary, and if you take a minute to watch it you will feel SO much
for this man that you don't even know. a man that has been gone of this earth for 4 years.

it's a shame that here in the US, dying often means dying without diginity, without choice.

(if you'd like to watch this, here is the link)

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/suicidetourist/view/

and, some baby candy

2010-06-22T10:31:00.001-04:00

this is right before she peed all over herself proclaiming, "I DID IT MAMA!"
yes, yes you did. you gave yourself a golden shower.

some eye candy...

2010-06-22T10:28:00.001-04:00

because i'm trying to stay away from real candy (aka, my husbands father's day chocolate covered sarris pretzels)
i want them SO bad. the pretzels and those awesome stairs.

one of my new favorites bloggie mommies

2010-06-21T08:40:00.001-04:00

is tasha, of http://www.3stinkyboysandme.com/blog/

i kinda cyber "stalked" her. she's just so funny and REAL. i like that about her.
and then as kind of a "thank you" for making my coffee come out my nose daily,
i designed a little mommy business card for her.

she is the BOMB and a cute, stylish new bloggie buddy.
go over and give her blog some lovin'!

i like it a LOT

2010-06-16T13:28:00.001-04:00

the door i painted and craig put our privacy film on looks really nice. finally got the monogram on there. it looks so pretty from the street i think.
EW there's the icky "before" gross huh?